This was originally written for some Yahoo Club last December, and I thought it would be good to place here for posterity. A warning that this is not for the hopeless idealist or faint of virtue.

I am spending my subway ride towards the Long Island Railroad, staring at a picture of a husky wearing red socks...

I feel overprepared, overstocked: Two extra rolls of film, two peanut butter and rye crisp sandwiches, soy milk, this journal, a paperback, printout of the past week's fleet sim posts to review, and 8x10 stills (Just in case Paramount is as restrictive at the show as they are with movie memorabilia shops): Doc portrait from first season, and quality shot of Coach Cutlip from The Wonder Years. In a pinch, beggars can't be choosers.

Today's goal: Get stills, bide time, see Picardo, meet Picardo, get autographs, talk, shake hands, go home. If I find a viable food source (viable for a Hypoglycemic, that is), meet nice people, and feel better, I plan to get a last minute ticket to the evening cabaret (fat chance the way I feel right now).

I missed my intended train when I overshot the subway stop I needed; I had to walk 1-1/2 miles back in windy, cold weather. It looks as though I'll make it just as the show opens. I might not have the best Doctor pic dibs for my impending desktop theme (I waited months for this day, as much for the theme wallpaper as for meeting Picardo). But that's the least of my worries. I apparently ate something bad a day or two ago, and this morning I feel like someone poured acid into my gut.

A half hour to kill before the train arrives for boarding as I write this. No particularly strange, fanboy-type people around (you know: slumping heads, perhaps mumbling to themselves); the only person propelling themselves by swinging their arms is a train conductor. Pigeons are hanging around these seats. It's cold sitting here; this waiting area is a cement tunnel, which runs below the tracks - and my LL Bean parka is losing its effectiveness. It's possible the mini-food poisoning is also dropping my body temp. I think I'll head up to the track and take some pics...

...Who knew that there was a heated waiting area up here on the platform? I sit and check the shutter of my camera. I'm concerned. Seems I left the light meter switched on for a couple of days. It APPEARS to be working, though. I took a shot of a huddling pigeon on the platform with it.

The train arrived at Jamaica Station 10 minutes late, and not a moment too soon: a track fire was just starting to smolder by the third rail opposite where I was standing. Heh. I'm in my seat and looking at the convention schedule. There is a guest called the "Cigarette Smoking Man." Imagine that guy's resumé - sheesh! I look at that five minute slot called "Music Video Salute to Voyager's Doctor" and think: What the HELL have I gotten myself into? Get stills, look for acid relief, see Picardo, get autographs, go home... right... I also brought little pseudo business cards for the EMH Journal website. You never know.

I am reminded of a joke I made in last Thursday's Acrophobia match. The letters were RPSA and the topic was "What will I do with the first snowfall?" The winning acronym spelled out "Really? Pee signature, actually." During a momentary pause in the chatbox, I said: "Joe, you live in Mississippi. You don't get enough snow to practice penismanship." People who usually do "LOL" went all out and spelled "HAHAHAHA." It doesn't take much to make my day, does it? I felt very clever at the time, but I'm sure by next week I'll forget it ever happened. Anyway, that just came unbidden to mind and made me snicker like some disturbed lunatic here in my seat. I think Hempstead is the next stop...

It's 1:30pm. I spent a lot of money. Paramount holds onto images with an iron vice, even here. They suck. 90% of the people have to show the same pic I use for my acro team profile. But I found some good shots, especially at the Creation table.

The convention - if you can fathom this - is taking place in a huge campus gymnasium. They used to be held at a midtown hotel and take up multiple ballrooms. Now, their anniversary show is marked by a canvas partition hanging in the middle to separate the dealers area from the "action" (a makeshift stage and lots of folding chairs). I seem to be in the 5th row; I haven't sat in my reserved seat yet. Some table sells chicken bits and salad. There are tables, BUT NO CHAIRS. Creation truly sucks. Eating next to others, I heard more great things about Picardo's convention appearances.

Wandering past June Lockhart (who my ex-roomate would have loved to meet had he been able to join me) and some nobodies from TOS, I met TYE, a cartoonist who does some pretty funny stuff in Starlog. Being a fellow cartoonist, I hung out with him a bit and talked. His friends were dressed as Star Wars characters and helped security.

Walking from there, I ran into Richard Herd, the head alien from the V pilot movie. I took one look at him and said: "Admiral Paris!" hehe. He's also an accomplished artist, with reproductions of oil paintings on display. I got to talk with him awhile too, as well as took a picture (It pisses me off that we cannot take pictures on the autograph line of the headliners. It's the best way to get a decent shot for me, especially since my eyesight AND memory are so lousy)...

...I'm sitting with some nice folks I met while standing for lunch. We're listening to Chase Masterson (Leeta the Dobbo Girl at Quark's - don't nobody tell her what I wrote in my review of "Dr. Bashir I Presume." Shhh...). She's telling a "Dr. Bashir I Presume" story. Apparently, during the filming of Lewis Zimmerman's exit from DS9, where Leeta leaves him for Rom, he immediately hits on another skirt. Picardo adlibbed for lack of script. In the first take, he said: "Have you seen my work on Star Trek: Voyager?" Talk about bizarre pickup lines...

I went back to the dealer's room. It appears that I have a short attention span not only for DS9's episodes, but for their stars as well. While hanging at TYE's table, I could hear Masterson singing "If I only had some clothes" a la Oz Scarecrow, and suddenly the dreaded the concept of a music video salute to Voyager's Doctor came creeping back to the forefront of my consciousness...

I've spent the past two hours wandering around in my parka, bored to death. I got what I told myself I'd never get: a combadge, Lt. Commander rank pips, and a holodoc T-shirt (ok, the latter is of rockstar/Harley quality. It was too good to pass up). I ended up with 10 different shots, three of which were of the Doctor, two of Picardo as himself, and two cast shots. They didn't have any of the entire cast in civvies, neither did they have any pics of the First Contact EMH (I need a decent shot of that character for my Fleet Sim profile; Am I doomed to rely on trading cards?!).

The image paydirt was found at the Creation table: a season three Doc on plain blue background: a Photoshop dream come true for that desktop theme. Reminded me of the episode The Swarm. I snapped up a couple of them so one would be autographed (they said only one autograph per person, so I've gotta make it count). I'm staring at part of the gym wall which is made for simulated mountain climbing. No thanks...

Okay, this is my LAST creation convention. For $65, they gave me a seat lined up in front of rock concert speakers. I have to stuff up and cover my ears to listen to "The Cigarette Smoking Man." I went to the signup area and made my grievance. They moved me 2nd row, slightly offcenter.

My designation is now vitamin B-12.

This is interminable. It SOUNDS as though they'll be doing all three Trek guests' signings simultaneously and side-by-side at the end of the show instead of each one right after their talk. This means I'm stuck watching Michael Dorn (Worf) for a third time, and leaving for NYC much later than I had hoped. Not that there's anything wrong with Dorn - he's usually very entertaining - but I don't fancy being in the boonies at night and relying on others for transportation. I guess it's time for that video I've been dreading (How many people do YOU know are man enough to admit a fear of the unknown?). I eat the last of my chicken pieces. Half the first row is cleared of people getting autographs from "The Cigarette Smoking Man" (hahaha what a name). To the left of the stage is a canvas area, a makeshift backstage. I just saw Picardo come in from the side door and into that. Cool. Is he about 5'8"? 5'10"? It was hard to tell from here...

Okay, the video was crummy and great. That is, it looked like a 25th generation dub. Had it been of decent quality, it would have rocked. I mean, Peter Gabriel - you can't go wrong with him.

(I honestly can't tell whether he really wants to be called "Bob." Does he? I know they have to discern three Roberts on the set, but what about afterwards? I'll just keep referring to him as Picardo)

Picardo came up on stage sans glasses and carrying a cardboard standup of Seven. I was tempted to remark, "Gee, she looks flatter in person," and stopped myself. He did a set of bad Viagra jokes. On the inside, these grated on me, as the subject is a major Acrophobia taboo: passé by about three years, and the sort of word an invading 14 yr old snert would use in their acronym. I attribute this to "California Humor," which - to non-Californians - can prove just as elusive as "British Humor" is to most Americans. My thought was: This man needs to return to the NY stage ASAP and hang here awhile, get his proverbial groove back. Outside of course I laughed. He said that he got the jokes from Ethan Phillips, to which I heckled, "Oh that's right, blame it on Ethan!" and elicited a chuckle. I can be ruthless.

He's looking in my direction here. Think it's because I heckled him?

He also lamented that the convention had the distinction of featuring not one, but two people portraying characters with no name: The Doctor and The Cigarette Smoking Man. (hahaha. That killed me. Any joke with "Cigarette Smoking Man" that day had me on the floor)

I found he kept pretty consistent eye contact with me many times - not sure whether it was because I was taking nonflash pictures on occasion, because I said that line, or that I might have worn a cynical smirk thru the Viagra jokes? (I couldn't say, since I was on the inside looking out). Either way, he was probably blind as a bat and couldn't see me; eventually put his glasses on and discussed how visually impaired he was before he buckled in and got contacts (Bet it never occured to all those girl fans that those big, dreamy eyes were the result of staring at visual mush. heh. Don't mind me. I'm always this cynical. Bob rulz, even if he couldn't find the buttons on a medical tricorder for the first three seasons.)

Q&A ruled. This is where Picardo shines, not necessarily because of the information, but because he is so engaging. All very good questions.

You know that Leonard the iguana question has been gnawing at me, but the previous night was REAL LIFE, which IMHO was when the Doc reaches humanity (Check out my bit on it in the Journal's EMH Milestones), and with it some more engaging questions nipped at my neurons. So I asked him whether shooting the final scenes were as intense, moving, and difficult to film as they were to watch (in the story, the holodoc makes a family on the holodeck, and in the end, his holodaughter dies). He spoke about that at great length, then humorously segued into his preparing an acting reel from Voyager, including scenes from SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME and MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE, then somehow went off on that old dilemma of his about the EMH having genitalia (why does he find this to be such a conundrum? Someone point him in the direction of my EMH FAQ). Somehow, he ended up back where he started, which impressed the heck out of me. That and the eye contact, this time while he was wearing glasses.

Someone asked him if he gets nervous in front of crowds, and he admitted in all seriousness being slightly nervous that moment, describing how he handles it by shifting weight from one leg to the other to expend energy when he doesn't have a podium to lean on. Yeah, he got weird questions like that instead of: "Don't you wish Doc would've gotten the chance to suck face with Seven of Nine?" I forgot the question about China Beach he got, but the answer somehow segued into him saying one should never stand near a helicopter while wearing a toupee. It was certainly refreshing to have an established and genuinely talented actor up there instead of some obscure nobody, who sat on the side of a Trek bridge and pushed buttons for three years.

I was quite pleased in particular that the token Dork Question wasn't asked. Back about 10-15 yrs ago - when these shows were run in a Manhattan hotel - me and my friends ran a table and took turns sitting in on the "celeb" appearances. And there'd always be this... this DORK (a different one every time), who'd do what I came to call "The Dork Question," which was: "How does it feel to be up there in front of us all and part of the Star Trek Legacy?" What are they gonna say? I mean, they're not gonna say "I get paid well to do this but still I hope the autograph line isn't too long since I want to catch a flight back to L.A. tonight." No, they're always gonna say "It's great." The audience was distinctly split between the other dorks, who were waiting for those two words to let loose their cheers, and the rest of us shaking our heads in humiliation for valuable question time wasted.

The scary thing for me was the GMTA he did. Someone asked him what he would like to see the Doctor pursue once he got to the Alpha Quadrant, and the answer hit very close to home. I can't tell you what it is specifically, because I'm not finished with the article yet that I wanna submit to one of those Trek news sites. I gathered quotes for it about three weeks ago, then threw the concept out at Dr. Jekyl only a day or so before the convention. I'd begun the first draft, and here was Picardo giving it away - "D'OH! shhh! Stop that!" were what went through my mind. [Note: This manifested into the basis for my site I, Holodoc]

He finished by singing a capella about being property of Viacom (as I recall, it was to the tune of "I'll Be Home for Christmas"), and he was gone. I know I wrote a lot about an hour, but it really went faster than that. Picardo would be on hand later for the autograph session.

After an agonizingly long auction (with a less than enthusiastic audience. We were all tired, and many people no doubt suffered from sugardrop), Michael Dorn came on stage. He did some dead on impressions of Next Gen people, and answered questions. He's always fun :)

Autographs. One per person... make it count... take out the 3rd season attitude type Doc pic... Do I see bumperstickers? Yes! I was in the second row, but the second person from the second row on that line hehe. Like the celeb-type comic artists, he had somene on hand to handle the money while he did the signing and talked. Most people I noticed from the 1st row just went thru and didnt say anything. Talk about working for product. Anyway, they took out some stills, and -argh- they decided to PUT AWAY that Life Line montage one Gyamath from the Jupiter Station Club says she has, with Picardo's story credit screen. But what did they put down when I was there? THE ECH!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoah man that's when I lost it. LOL I wouldn't go any further. He autographed the blue attitude Doc one, but I HAD to have the Emergency Command Hologram portrait. I was mentally gone. ROFL I think it was the red. I'm a Taurus, you know. The color just wiped out the stability area of my brain, and I actually hissed "THE ECH RULZ!" like some idiot. Anyway, the REAL reason I couldn't go further was because I needed to know the price of it so I could use the rest of my money (save some for getting home and dinner) on those bumper stickers! The money for them goes to some pediatric AIDS org, and I wanted to do what I could. He was very grateful for that, and he even signed my ECH pic. I told him I couldn't wait to see what he does next, but that I'll miss Doc terribly (I will. He's like some dysfunctional uncle your parents are loathe to visit, but whom you dig as all get out because he's so weird and has a lot of stuff that he likes to go on and on about that you normally never get a chance to see. Does this make sense?). He smiled and we thanked eachother while we shook hands. His grip was -- gentle.

And then suddenly I was in front of Chase Masterson. Oh brother. Now what was I going to do? I went into diplomatic mode: "I love your work, but I have no pics. If you had one of Leeta with Lewis Zimmerman..." "You mean like this one?" Somewhere inside, the Homer Simpson part of my brain went "D'OH!" and I spent the last of my cash on that pic, autographed both by Picardo & Masterson.

Across from them was a table with Michael Dorn. He was all alone and undergoing the grueling task of autographing a ton of stills for either Creation or one of the other vendors. I came up to him and said, "I got your autograph when you first came to a NY show, and..." and he promptly ignored me and continued signing like I wasn't there. WHAT AN ASSHOLE! I guess the Next Gen people ain't what they used to be, eh? I resisted the urge to tell him off (he's a big guy) and left, looking back one last time at Robert Picardo, who was in full Autograph Mode. Creation sucks for not having let me take a decent picture. I had to chance whatever would come out from the stage shots. I posted one from a set I bought off someone on Ebay who attended the same show.

The experience was far less strenuous than the days, weeks, and months leading up to it. I was unusually calm and at peace, and I was still speaking in full sentences. Picardo's demeanor in general is very calming and gentle; you'd never have guessed he plays Doc. Well, he's a great actor is all. I've met and even worked with famous people, and I'm still not sure why meeting Picardo became such a source of angst for me. Then again, I haven't co-portrayed anyone else's character before. On the train back to the city limits however, it hit. I had amassed about 9 autographs from Picardo in some way, shape, or form, and I was checking out the stills and cards and stuff. I caught myself wearing a stupid grin on my face, which I had to consciously quell. Then, later the same thing happened on the subway. And again while walking the mile to my home from the subway station. When I got home, I didn't care what I looked like.

I came, I saw, I conquered. I met my dramatic hero and - dare I say it? - cyberspace role model. I also got what I needed to finish that desktop theme with so Doc fans all over the world can have one. (We NEED a Doctor desktop theme!!! And dammit if nobody else is going to make one, I'll do it!)

I still think back on that line, the ECH pic, making his moment by snapping up charity bumper stickers... making eye contact at close range and just meeting one of the best actors on TV today and the man who has brought to life one of the most unique characters which ever existed - and will hopefully get to live on.

The End

There was wet on the ground, save that radius around the trunk of trees, and no rain when I left. When I exited the first shop, it was violently windy, with stray drops. Certainly not worth putting the hood on over. Leaving the second shop, it was a strong drizzle. The sky was dark and ominous and headed my way. The darkness reminded me of the beginning of Oz.